This presentation will highlight a life-saving psychotherapeutic process of recovery from childhood trauma, from a consumer perspective. When the death of my niece triggered a ‘breakdown’, being a doctor was no help. As I grew anxious, developed panic attacks, became depressed, suicidal and then experienced nightmares and flashbacks I thought I was losing my mind. Fiercely independent and abhorring vulnerability I reluctantly consulted a clinical psychologist, imagining that a few sessions would ‘fix me’.
I had little insight into myself, my inner world, relationships or functioning. Nor did I appreciate the significance of the 10 year gap in my conscious recall. Despite my therapist providing a safe reliable and contained space it took me a long time to trust her or appreciate that she could keep me in mind. She was empathic, compassionate and skilled and the relationship we developed was core to my survival and my recovery. Over years she bore witness to the dissociated fragments of trauma returning to my consciousness and intense emotions overwhelming me. Through a committed analytical psychotherapeutic process she guided me from terror and confusion through chaos and onto acceptance and understanding. As I processed the fragments of my memories and of myself and integrated them, and me, I started functioning as a whole being for the first time. I now know my own unique feelings and choices, and have the capacity to reflect, form deeper relationships and live a full rich life.