We grow in relationships and from experience; we adapt. However when those early relationships are ones of complex trauma and our experiences are of loss, trauma and neglect then we adapt as best we can to survive. Later however those adaptations mean we are primed to repeat those responses to current stressful events, even though right here, right now, there may be more possibilities for us than we can see or feel. In this talk we will look at some of the concepts that help here: attachment, trauma, the growth of selves; the way trauma breaks us down and constricts us and traumatic memory systems keep the old stories and music repeating. As clinicians we seek to engage our patients to change the music in the moment so that it opens again to possibility: we aim to join with the music but to slowly collaborate in its transformation.