A therapist in therapy – minefields and goldmines
As a consumer of therapy, what do you do with feeling totally exposed in a first session – simply by the therapist’s way of being? How can you trust when the physical layout is not inviting but distancing? What if you feel criticised and judged; or worse, abused? All natural and perhaps frequent reactions but what if the therapist is unaware? Or aware and silent? Is it all grist for the mill to work through? Or unnecessary angst? What if the promise of a therapist is unrealised? How does a consumer of therapy begin the onerous task of seeking yet again? And again? What unrealistic expectations are brought into the next room? What damage are therapists doing without knowing? What good are they doing without knowing? Can they ever really know? These questions are explored in a personal and reluctant journey into therapy by a beginning therapist.
The minefields to be negotiated both as a consumer and provider of therapy are numerous. Every criticism of another therapist I encountered became a criticism for my own work as a therapist. With every therapist I saw, I felt more and more ‘wounded’. The minefield of knowing, and more importantly, not knowing, which cap I was wearing (client or therapist) – what damage was that doing to my own therapy? To my own clients? The goldmines that come with perseverance, awareness, pain, vulnerability and honesty in immersing self as client are also scrutinised. We have much to learn as consumers and from consumers.
